Capture your Grief: Day 11- Glow in the Woods 

I am a talker, however not the talker you are probably thinking of. I am actually typically quiet in whole group conversations and I observe before I engage socially in most cases. I seldom enjoy being the center of attention and find enjoyment and observing others. So you might be wondering as to why I define myself as a talker? It’s simple; I talk through anything that is bothering me. Sometines repetively. Through this I try to find meaning or understanding in what has happened, even when there isn’t any. So following my loss, I sought out help. I joined a supprt group for parents who had to terminate for medical reason. During my first and only visit I met a woman. She had experienced her loss about 6 weeks before mine and she immediately recognized my pain. My pain was raw and fresh. It had only been a week and a few days. After the group, she walked out with me and we spoke candidly about how much it sucked. Before we departed our separate ways she offered a heartfelt hug and her email. Since then we have spoken weekly, sometimes daily. She has been an incredible part of this journey. She validates my feelings and let’s me just vent. She has been a God sent. I am grateful to have met her, but I wished it hadn’t been under those circumstances. 

Unfortunately, I knew another mother who had lost a baby late in pregnancy. She is the wife of my husband’s friend from college, and she is a wonderful person. I reached out to her shortly after my loss, because I needed help sorting out my shitty luck. She has become a friend. She has answered countless texts and has also validated my feelings. She has encouraged me to feel what I need to feel and to not apologize for it. Her insight and support has continued to be indispensable during this time. 
I knew in order to heal, I needed to talk; I needed to express my grief. This woman have allowed me to do just that without passing judgment. It’s hard to share myself wih people who haven’t experienced loss like this, because unless you have had your heartbroken this deeply, you just can’t understand. 

Capture your Grief: Day 8- Wish List

I wish to never forget my daughter.  As I go on to build my family, I always want her to be remember as my first.  She is what made me a mother. I intend to share her story with my unborn child. I want him or her to know that they have an older sister, and that older sister is the reason for their existence. I hope to never be ashamed of my experience and I want to share what happened to spread awareness of pregnancy loss and more specifically having to terminated a much wanted pregnancy.

Lastly,  I wish to help others through their grief and healing by making them feel less alone. By sharing my experience, it allows other grieving parents to know that they are not the only ones embarking on this undesired journey.  Through sharing my experience, I hope to provide comfort and support to other bereaved parents.