10 days to go

If everything goes according to plan, I have 10 days left of my pregnancy. It could be less if I go into labor naturally, or it could be more if my dear child decides to flip. However, I find the latter to be unlikely. She has not moved since 32 weeks. I do not think she will decide to move her head down south. She enjoys being upright. Apparently she already marches to the beat of her own drum and doesn’t follow the crowd. I wonder if I am in for a stubborn, strong willed child?

I naturally have anxieties about my pending delivery. What will the procedure feel like? How will I mentally prepare for being sliced open? Will I grief the loss of a vaginal deliver (most likely)? What will the recovery feel like? Will I be ‘all there’ when I meet my much waited for baby? Will she come out safely? Will surgery go smoothly? Will it be without complications? Well..you get the point. The list of what ifs can go on and on… All I can do right now is breathe and enjoy the last days of this pregnancy.

I want to make sure I cherish these last 10 days with my daughter growing inside of me. I can control where she is right now and for all intents and purposes, I know she is safe. When she joins us in the outside world, there will things out of my control and I am pretty confident that a slew of anxieties will follow. I know I will miss running my protruding tummy and feeling her respond to my touch. I will miss feeling her hiccup. I am sure I will even miss those swift kicks to my vagina and bladder. I will miss the reminder that she is a part of me, growing with me.

 

Pregnancy is not easy. It’s downright uncomfortable towards the end. However, it is the most magical thing I have ever done. It’s probably the most incredible experience I have been granted thus far. Despite the aches and pains, hemorrhoids, forgetfulness and inability to sleep- I love being pregnant. Maybe it was the cards I was previously dealt, but the one thing I did not do during these past nine months, is take this experience for granted. I made sure of it. I made sure to enjoy every milestone big and small an to savor her every movement. I promised myself I would and I followed through with that promise.

Dear baby girl, as much as I am cherishing you as you continue to pack on the pounds within, I cannot wait to meet you on the outside. I dream about holding you and kissing your little face. You are all I can think about. I’ve never look forward to anything more than meeting you.

Let’s talk C-Section

I had first weekly appointment with my OB today. The last appointment at 34 weeks and 6 days, we were told that baby was breech. In delivering this news, she was by no means concerned; reassuring me that baby had time and room to flip. Today, at 36 weeks 4 days, baby has not budged. She prefers to be right side up apparently. In combination with her positioning, I have been experiencing contractions. Contractions without terrible cramping, but contractions nonetheless. After confirming her positioning with the ultrasound, the doctor was pretty confident that this little one of mine would be delivered through a C-section…

So my daughter will be born no later than April 22, 2016. Currently, my cervix is high and closed…but it is soft. My OB believes there is a chance of me going into labor prior to the 22nd…

As my OB was scanning me, I was contracting. She then looked at me and told me she was taking me out of work. I commute about an hour to an hour and a half in the morning and in the afternoon. Since my contractions have been kind of regular, she is concerned about my water breaking and me going into labor before the 22nd. If my water broke and baby is feet first, there could be a risk of the cord coming through my vagina and causing many problems (I think this is what I heard correctly, however, I was quite overwhelmed and could of misunderstood). So she told me no more commuting to work and wrote me a doctor’s note. This being said, if I have constant contractions and if my water breaks, I need to immediately go to the hospital and will need an emergent c-section.

I am relieved to know my OB is making sure my baby’s and my safety is her first priority, however, having a scheduled c-section is a lot to process. Pregnancy always comes with the fantasy of going into labor and pushing and having the baby being immediately placed on your chest. My fantasy will now change to a more ‘predictable’ one.  I have to mourn and grieve the loss of a natural delivery.

Although it is likely that I won’t have the ideal natural birth story, all I care about it delivering my baby safely. 

Any advice from moms who have experienced a c-section, whether emergent or planned? What is the best way to mentally prepare? What should I expect from recovery? I was told to get a waist binder and high rise underwear- thoughts and/or other suggestions?

ease my worried mind…

My daughters name 

We have a named picked out for our daughter. We have known the name since before I knew she was a girl. I wanted to keep this name to ourselves… However unbeknownst to me, my husband disclosed the name in our Christmas cards… So our close friends and family know her name. Sometimes they even refer to her by her name. I would like to say this doesn’t bother me, but it does. Maybe it’s the superstitious side of me because I am still very scared. It’s almost like not giving her a public name would make her identity less real in the event that the worst happens…

Since I am now obviously pregnant, random people have began to inquire about my baby: how fair along? Girl or boy? Name?! I answer the first two honestly, but I also hesitate with her name. I typically respond with ‘we are still deciding.’ Because I am a terrible liar, sometimes people can pry it out of me. I immediately feel like I betrayed her by doing so. I know an obvious pregnancy can be a conversation starter, and maybe it’s just me, but I feel like her name is personal before her birth… 

I respect each parents decision on how and when they share their child’s name. I just found this to be a personal issue for me. 

How can a pregnant woman be so stupid?

I am one of three woman expecting at work. Although I am pretty pregnant and feeling better about this pregnancy, I still get irritated when I see pregnant woman. This is the second pregnancy for one woman. She has an almost 4 year old. She has never had a pregnancy loss. The other woman is expecting her first. I assume she has never had a loss because this was a honeymoon baby. I shouldn’t assume, but something tells me I am right. This second woman bothers me the most.  She is a couple weeks behind me, due in mid May, and she is biking to work. BIKING to work. First off- its winter and we just had a blizzard. Although its been warm and the snow is melting, there are still patches of snow everywhere.  Secondly, its is NEW YORK CITY, we are in Manhattan, and I can confidently say people are idiots when it comes to driving. Do you know how many people get hurt and killed by riding their bikes around the streets of New York??? And these people do not have a precious bundle in tucked away inside their bellies. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH THIS WOMAN???? Maybe I am just more careful because I understand how valuable my unborn baby is considering my history, or maybe I am just naturally more careful despite my losses. Regardless of any of that, I don’t know anyone who would condone a pregnant woman riding a bike and I am quite surprised her people would allow her to engage in such a dangerous act. Needless to say, every morning when I see her walking into the school with her bike in tow, I think ‘stupid, ignorant bitch.’ Whatever, I feel entitled to think my opinions.

Am I ridiculous in thinking this? Does anyone else agree that this is beyond stupid and irresponsible? Sometimes I feel like woman should take a common sense exam before being able to conceive…

27 week bumpdate 

How far along:27 weeks and 2 days! I thought 27 weeks was the start of the third trimester…apparently it is 28 weeks. 

Baby is the size of: bunch of bananas, cucumber? (Pretty sure she was already this size…), acorn squash or a yellow turnip… She is 15 inches long and 1.9-2.2 pounds! She is now measuring crown to feet instead of crown to rump. 

Total weight gain: 14 pounds 

Symptoms: oy…

  • Heartburn
  • Constipation 
  • Hemroids- thanks constipation!
  • Very achy legs
  • Sciatica 
  • Forgetfulness aka pregnancy brain 
  • Really really dry nipples- can’t figure out if it’s the weather or a symptom. 

Food cravings: candy 😳… Sour patch kids, gummy bears, twizzlers, kit kats… Basically everything that I shouldn’t be eating! 

Anything making you queasy or sick?: nope! 

Movement: yea! She seems to be feet down and has enjoyed dancing on my bladder the last couple of days. It’s quite alarming to be kicked in the bladder and then to wonder- did I pee myself? 

Stretch marks: just on my boobs but those were there before! 

Gender: baby girl! 

Happy or moody? Happy!! Despite all my symptoms and aches and pains, I couldn’t be happier to be this pregnant!

Best moments this week/baby milestones: apparently she knows my voice! 

Purchases for baby: nothing new this week. 

Purchases for momma: nope, I did schedule a prenatal massage though! 

The bump: growing and rock hard! 

Miss anything? Wine, I’ll be honest. I stared longingly at the glass of red wine the person next to us at dinner was drinking last night. 

Looking forward to? Winter break in 2 weeks! I could use a week off from my commute!  

   

27 week bumpdate 

How far along:27 weeks and 2 days! I thought 27 weeks was the start of the third trimester…apparently it is 28 weeks. 

Baby is the size of: bunch of bananas, cucumber? (Pretty sure she was already this size…), acorn squash or a yellow turnip… She is 15 inches long and 1.9-2.2 pounds! She is now measuring crown to feet instead of crown to rump. 

Total weight gain: 14 pounds 

Symptoms: oy…

  • Heartburn
  • Constipation 
  • Hemroids- thanks constipation!
  • Very achy legs
  • Sciatica 
  • Forgetfulness aka pregnancy brain 
  • Really really dry nipples- can’t figure out if it’s the weather or a symptom. 

Food cravings: candy 😳… Sour patch kids, gummy bears, twizzlers, kit kats… Basically everything that I shouldn’t be eating! 

Anything making you queasy or sick?: nope! 

Movement: yea! She seems to be feet down and has enjoyed dancing on my bladder the last couple of days. It’s quite alarming to be kicked in the bladder and then to wonder- did I pee myself? 

Stretch marks: just on my boobs but those were there before! 

Gender: baby girl! 

Happy or moody? Happy!! Despite all my symptoms and aches and pains, I couldn’t be happier to be this pregnant!

Best moments this week/baby milestones: apparently she knows my voice! 

Purchases for baby: nothing new this week. 

Purchases for momma: nope, I did schedule a prenatal massage though! 

The bump: growing and rock hard! 

Miss anything? Wine, I’ll be honest. I stared longingly at the glass of red wine the person next to us at dinner was drinking last night. 

Looking forward to? Winter break in 2 weeks! I could use a week off from my commute!  

   

Baby girl, you’ve made me stronger

Baby girl,

You have already made me stronger. Because of you, I can confront uncomfortable situations with ease. You give me the confidence I need. The thought of you empowers me. I can’t wait to meet you and I can’t wait to be the best version of myself for you. You have already made me a better person. I love you always.

With love from the bottom of my heart,

Mommy

White coat syndrome and anemia…

I mentioned in a previous post that my blood pressure was skyrocketing at appointments. As a precaution, I had to collect urine for 24 hours for it to be tested for proteins. All came back clear. I have normal protien in my urine. Risk of preeclampsia decreased!

However… I am anemic. I was advised to take iron supplements and I sucked at taking them as prescribed. They made me vomit and constipated. Awesome combo. Yesterday, I was lecturer by my OBGYN on the importance of taking the supplements and the risks I could face if I don’t take them. Basically blood transfusion/ possible heart failure for myself and the baby. I could give a shit about me, but now I am terrified for my girl. I was told I should be ok if I stick to the supplements and if those don’t work they do an IV infusion. I’ll be rechecked at 28 weeks at the time of my glucose screening. I feel like a bad mom already. I should of just took the damn supplements and dealt with the discomfort… Well here’s to iron and stoop softners! Cheers. 

14 week bump-update! 

   

   
How far along:

14 weeks 1 day! Woohoo second trimester! 

Baby is the size of:

A lemon! 

Total weight gain:

At my 12 week ultrasound I had gained a pound… But it could of been poop. 

Symptoms:

Still nauseaous, but it seems like it lessening! I am tired and am not sleeping very well. I think I’m starting to get round ligament pain. 

Food cravings/aversions:

I want anything with chocolate. Meat is not appetizing at all right now. I also hated vegetable up until two days ago… So I am hoping that aversion is done with! 

Anything making you queasy or sick?:

Smells. I work with kids and many of them have bad breath… It makes me sick to my stomach. 

Movement:

Nothing yet. 

Stretch marks:

None yet. 

Gender:

Still a mystery!

Happy or moody?

Happy! Thankfully. 

Best moments this week/baby milestones:

Reaching the 2nd trimester!

Purchases for baby:

Nothing yet 

Purchases for momma:

I bought some maternity pants and shirts. My jeans still kind of fit, but they are wicked uncomfortable. The maternity pants are kind of big, but are so much more comfortable! 

Miss anyhing?

Wine. 

Looking forward to? 

Getting a bigger bump and feeling movement!