I wish to never forget my daughter. As I go on to build my family, I always want her to be remember as my first. She is what made me a mother. I intend to share her story with my unborn child. I want him or her to know that they have an older sister, and that older sister is the reason for their existence. I hope to never be ashamed of my experience and I want to share what happened to spread awareness of pregnancy loss and more specifically having to terminated a much wanted pregnancy.
Lastly, I wish to help others through their grief and healing by making them feel less alone. By sharing my experience, it allows other grieving parents to know that they are not the only ones embarking on this undesired journey. Through sharing my experience, I hope to provide comfort and support to other bereaved parents.
I intend to find ways to spread awareness of pregnancy and infant loss and support grieving parents in honor of my precious daughter. I intend to share my story and not to be ashamed of my loss or how people respond. My intention is to never forget my first.
To my sweet girl,
Even though you weren’t with us for very long. I am proud that you were a part of me and your father. I will always cherish your memory and love your forever.
I came across the Carly Marie Project Heal this past week in a ‘what to expect’ group. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and to honor that, this daily project helps capture grief and healing through writing and pictures.
Day 1. Sunrise
I was driving to work when I snapped this picture. My phone is mounted on my dashboard and it took one click. I obviously did not bother checking the quality of the picture while I was driving, so its a bit blurry…which is kind of appropriate for my state of mind.
This was take on the FDR north bound in Manhattan, NY around 6:45 AM, a few minutes shy of the official sunrise time (6:52). This, I believe, is the Manhattan Bridge.
The project encourages participants to enjoy their surroundings while they take in their sunrise for Day 1. I, unfortunately, lack the luxury of time in the morning. I am out of my house before 6 and cherish every minute of sleep I can get. Instead, I take my morning commute to reflect. This morning, I let my mind wander to the time I shared with my daughter while she as still with me. This Saturday is her expected due date and instead of welcoming her into this world, I am remembering her. I dedicate this project to the short time I had with her. The short time that has forever change my life and made me a honorary mother.
To anyone out their grieving the loss of a pregnancy, infant, or child, you are not alone. I hope you find the love and support you need while you forever grieve and heal.