My husband and I never really spoke about trying to conceive. We knew we wanted children. There were several conversations when we discussed having two with the possibility of the third if we had the fiscal means and energy. Since before we got married, I was not on birth control. My husband and I resorted the pull-out method. Birth control pill for me resulted in unwanted weight gain, moodiness, and a lack of a sex drive. At the start of our relationship we used condoms. I was impressed that we lasted as long as we did before we discovered sex without one…Next we tried the IUD. After eleven months of constant spotting and cramping I was left with an pelvic infection and more disdain for birth control. So pull out it was…Or what I like to refer to as Russian Roulette. Anyways, My husband and I were pretty lucky with the pull out method and got away without conceiving when we didn’t want to. About 4 months after our wedding, we decided to take it to the next level. If it happened, it happened. We knew we wanted a baby. If we made one, we would be excited.
Two months later, I got a faint positive on a home pregnancy test I had taken a day before my missed period. surprised that it happened so quickly and unsure what to do next, I booked an appointment with my gyno for that evening. In hindsight and knowing what I now know about pregnancy, I know this was a silly move. After my husband got home, we went to the doctor. A pee test confirmed my pregnancy but it was still too early to do an ultrasound. My blood was taken to confirm my beta levels. I would receive a call the following day for the results.
When we left the doctors my husband and I discussed how our lives were going to happily change. We knew we would be around 8 or so weeks around Christmas and that would be a prefect time to share the exciting news with our family. We were excited!
The next day rolled around and my doctor called to give me the results of my blood test. My hgc levels were only 25. My doctor explained how this was on the lower side, but that he needed to see if the levels doubled before he could tell me whether or not this was a viable pregnancy. I was to come back next Wednesday, 5 days later. My levels should be over 200 at that point. Later that weekend I took another pregnancy test. A digital one. This one read 1-2 weeks. Seems like it was going up! But what did I know?
I received a call on Thursday for the results from my second blood test. I answered the phone during lunch duty at work. Big mistake. The doctor signed and told me that my hgc levels were only 49…he was confident that this was not going to be a viable pregnancy. He told me to prepare to miscarry. Then through my tears, he scheduled a follow up appointment for that following Monday.
I left work early and took off the next day. I was devastated. I started the mourn the loss of a baby that never was. The loss of the idea of a baby. A baby that was suppose to be born July 14.
That Friday night I started to bleed. I met my parents, sister and husband for dinner that night. On our way home, I felt the impending cramps and felt the blood. It was official over. I was loosing the baby.
I was 4 weeks when I found out that I was pregnant. I was 4 weeks and 6 days when I lost the baby.
It took me a couple weeks to get over this loss. I cried off and on. I would dream about babies and fantasize about getting my period again so we could ‘try’ again. I wanted a baby. I needed a baby. I wanted a little person that was a mix between my loving husband and myself.
We were told that everyone gets one freebie when it comes to miscarriages. One miscarriage does not increase your risks of a second. This was our freebie. we thought to ourselves- ‘Next time will be different…’