Vent of the day

There’s a few people I know that are pregnant. My best fiend and then someone I commonly refer to as a frenemy. I am invested emotionally in my best friend’s pregnancy because she is family and I will affectionately refer to her son as my nephew once he is born. The other woman- I want nothing to do with. I was okay with maintaining a semi relationship with her before I lost my baby, and now I have no interest. Before you judge me there is a few things you should know about this woman: she’s awful. 

She’s the type of woman who competes with you and doesn’t supprt you. For example, she was pissed at me when I got engaged to my now husband because it happened a month and 4 days after her engagement (I know the exact amount of time because she told me). I forgave her after this stint… And even had her in my wedding party. On the night of my rehersal dinner- she tried to get my best friend and I in a fight by telling my best friend that her placement in my line order of bridesmaids was wrong and she should be in X spot instead of where she was… My best friend confronted me and I ended up in tears until we realized that the frenemy was just starting trouble. 

She’s the type of woman who will talk to you about serious matters when she is blackout drunk… But never soberly. On several occasions in her alcohol induced state she made claims that she didn’t love her soon-to-be husband and only wanted to get married for the ring, the dress and the wedding… Sex with her fiancĂ© grossed her out and she was in love with someone else (a someone else that wanted nothing to do with her and was marrying someone else). The following day when I tried to talk to her about this, she refused. 

She also slept with someone else 3 months before her wedding… Poor bastard will probably never find out. When we found out she was pregnant the first question I heard was ‘are we sure it’s his?’

During her wedding she didn’t eat, drink, dance or smile. She was miserable. The whole event was weird and was not inspired by love. It was sad. 

She is the type of woman who will talk about your relationship to other people. Not in an endearing sort of way, but in a judgmental way. She will sneer at the jobs we have chosen (sorry we didn’t get a business handed to us) and the salaries we make (our salaries are public and I am sure she has looked them up). She makes me feel like uncomfortable. 

When I told her about the problems with our daughter and how we had to terminate for medical response she responded with ‘efffff that’ via text. To be honest, I have no fucking idea what that means. And I wanted to punch her through the phone. Following that wasn’t ‘I am so sorry,’ it was ‘were you guys trying?’ Really? That’s your fucking response. Who the fuck cares if we were trying or not!?!? What matters and what should be your concern is how I feel….

Two days following the termination she sends me a picture, via text, of my bachelorette party that was exactly a year prior with the caption ‘wow I can’t believe that was a year ago!’ This is what she chooses to send me… Two fucking days after I had to terminate my pregnancy. In response, I deleted her text and haven’t responded to a single message from her since April… All of which failed to ask me how I was doing, how I was feeling. 

In the event of a heartbreaking situation- she will text, she won’t call. She won’t rush to be by your side and offer supprt, instead she will send you pointless text filled with pictures that reminds you of the person you will never be again; innocent, carefree, and naive. She will then send you emails that ask for your new address via email so she can send a baby shower invitation. She won’t ask how you are doing or how you are feeling. She won’t ask because she to me, she doesn’t really care. 

She is not the type of the woman I choose to be surrounded by anymore. When I was single and wanted to have a good time- she was a blast. I now want the love and supprt of people I feel 100% comfortable with. I want to enjoy the free time I have with the people that matter to me… Not someone who I don’t feel comfortable around. I don’t want to compete with her, it’s not a pastime I choose to engage in.

Being around pregnant woman is hard. Period. It’s a reminder of my lost daughter. It’s a reminder that in October, I won’t be welcoming a baby girl, instead I’ll be grieving the loss. Being around this woman is uncomrtable as it is- beig around her while she pregnant is my ultimate nightmare. 

I declined invitations where I know she will be present. A part of me feels guilty then the other part reminds my guilty side that this is self preservation and I am entitled.