I have my first scan this morning. I feel sick to my stomach with anxiety. I am terrified, but I am also excited. I am excited for the hope of good news (a heartbeat and growth on track!). I am naturally terrified as I am well aware of everything that can go wrong in a pregnancy. After experiencing pregnancy losses, your head goes to dark places. You start believing that the bad is more prevalent than the good. Essentially, you’re totally robbed of your innocence. I keep trying to assure myself: I’ve have morning sickness day and night, sore boobs, exhaustion and moodiness. All pregnancy symptoms. I have had no alarming symptoms (spotting like I had with the last two pregnancies). So this should indicate that everything should be okay.
I know regardless of the outcome, I can’t control anything. Regardless of the outcome, I will survive. Regardless of the outcome, I will persevere.