When I think of family, I don’t just think of my parents, sister, husband and in-laws, I think of the few people that are very close and dear to me. To me, this closeness is defined as those I am completely uninhibited by. They have seen me at my best, and they have held me at my worst. They have run to be by my side when I have needed them the most and they have listened to me when my voice is indistinguishable through my cries. They are the people that I would be there for in a heartbeat. I would donate parts of my body to them, if it meant their survival. I want to always be there for them. I genuinely and sincerely love them unconditionally.
Following my loss, I did not seek out books on the subject of pregnancy loss, instead I turned to forums and blogs. In fact, I created this blog to document my journey through this grief and healing. As I began blogging, I also began finding comfort in reading other people’s stories on their loss. In a sense, it made me feel less alone. There are very few people that I personally know that have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, and therefore, I was left feeling very lonely. Reading the daily blog entries and being allowed to show support by commenting and ‘liking’ entries has provided me with a sense of community and belonging.
Anyone who has experienced an pregnancy, infant or child loss has experienced someone’s ’empathetic’ comments. Usually they are wildily inappropriate and leaved the bereaved feeling worse than they already did. There are countless articles and blog posts about what not to say to someone experiencing this type of loss, but very few on what to say. To be honest, there really isn’t anything anyone can say to make the bereaved feel better. It’s a harsh, but true reality. Instead of saying something that might further upset the person, offer your ear and a shoulder. Most of time, we just want to talk. We want to remember our children and make sense of the unexplainable. We aren’t always looking for something to say the right thing. More often than not, we just need a support. Tell us that you are always there for us. Tell us how much you love us and how shitty it is that this happened. Tell us that you wish you could take our pain away. Most importantly acknowledge our child(ren). To us, they meant everything and we loved them with every part of our being and we deserve for that feeling to be honored and respected.