When the term ‘pregnancy loss’ is used, it is most often associated with a miscarriage. There is a type of pregnancy loss that is rarely discussed or even known about; termination for medical reasons. Woman often hope that if there is something wrong with a pregnancy, than nature will take over and the result will be a miscarriage. Once woman enter the second trimester, they typically assume (rightfully so) that their pregnancy will result in a healthy baby. This blog is to spread awareness of what it is like to receive a poor perinatal diagnosis and the decision that couples need to make for the health of the mother or their unborn child. The grieving process for this type of loss is not only very lonely, but feels almost taboo to discuss. I hope this blog helps grieving parents feel less alone either in their decision process or after they have had to make the heartbreaking decision.
life beyond heartbreak 
Hi,
I just wanted to say that I read your blog this morning and I’ve been thinking about it all day.
I had a termination for medical reasons three weeks ago at 26 weeks. I am so broken and I know you will understand when I tell you that today is a bad day and I’m struggling. Your blog has made me feel hopeful though so thank you.
Wishing you so much health and happiness.
Kristina x
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I am so sorry for your loss and everything you are going through. The first few weeks after terminating are worse than a nightmare. I can honestly say that it does get better. Please don’t forget to take care of yourself on the really bad days- even if that means just doing one thing nice for yourself. I really hope you find peace and your grief becomes more manageable. I’ll be thinking of you.
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Your blog is amazing. I went through almost the same thing a couple weeks ago and stumbled across this site. Our baby also had a 5.2 mm nuchal (yes the same as yours) at 12 weeks. For us he was cleared of chromosomal issues and the genetic microarray was clear too. Finally we got to the 18 week fetal echo and he was diagnosed with 2 major cardiac anomalies (also sporadic and not related to anything my husband or I have). We terminated 2 days later. You express exactly the same emotions and thoughts in my mind – exactly, right down to the things that annoy you and that give you hope. Thank you for your blog and I am happy you have another one on the way. It doesn’t take the pain of the first but it does give hope. I too hope to have the same and like you am eager to try to conceive again. I almost lost it when someone told me to relax (“just relax!!!” were the exact words) and that I needed to let my body heal. I wanted to punch her in the face. Thank you again – this is not talked about because like you said it’s taboo but that should not be. It’s very unfair what we had been dealt but the hope of the future is great.
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I am so so sorry for your loss. I am glad to hear that what your son had was just a fluke and the chances of this occurring again are slim to none. I am also glad that you found my blog. I created it in hopes to not only have an outlet for my whirlwind of emotions, but to let other woman, who are experiencing a similar loss, know that they aren’t alone and that there is not a ‘normal’ when it comes to grieving this type of loss. I also can’t begin to tell you how many people I wanted to punch in the face…and still do when it comes to this subject! People, although maybe harmless, can be ignorant and insensitive.
I hope your body heals quickly and the grief gets easier to deal with as each day passes. And when you start trying again I hope pregnancy happens quickly and the nine months that follow are only filled with good news of a healthy baby.
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Thank you. You inspired me to start my own blog. I was telling my family how much better I felt reading your blog then this morning I decided, I am going to do one too. So I created a username (hopefulmom2015). I still can’t get over how similar our stories are (your husband even looks a little like my husband and seems similar in the way they have handled this).
Anyway, hope your gender reveal is wonderful and you have a beautiful new year. I will check your blog often and wish you all the best.
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I am so touched that my writing has helped you in your healing. I am so sorry for your loss. I find reading about other people’s experience with this type of loss really helps, something about feeling less alone. I look forward to reading your blog and I hope you find comfort in the process.
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Hi Mindy,
Thanks for following my blog. I haven’t gotten a chance to start reading yours yet, but I wanted to tell you if you aren’t already following “My Perfect Breakdown”, you should. She also had to terminate for medical reasons and her blog is amazing!
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I just wanted to write to thank you and let you know how much your blog has helped me the past few days! My husband and I made the gut-wrenching decision to TFMR 3 weeks ago for a very rare chromosome issue (aka we also won the shitty lottery). I was 15 weeks pregnant at the time with our much wanted baby girl. Some days are better than others, but most days are still very, very hard. Thank you so much for sharing, for giving hope for the future and for helping us not feel so alone in this time of grief.
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I am so sorry for your loss. It’s going to be hard for awhile, but with each passing day it gets easier to handle. You’ll never stop thinking about her. Even with subsequent pregnancies (that’s if you and your husband decide to try again), the grief never goes away but it becomes more manageable. What we had to go through is excruciating and I hope you are finding comfort and support in the ones that love and support you.
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Thank you so much for starting a blog about this. I have not had to face a termination myself, as all of my pregnancies have been miscarried, but since learning of my husband’s balanced translocation, chromosomal issues are a high risk for our babies, and termination has become a real option that we may be faced with someday and we have had to have real discussions about it when discussing how we want to proceed with TTC. People that have not been faced with it have never had to give real thought into handling the situation. You are a very brave and strong woman and I look forward to following your blog.
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I stumbled across your blog last week as I was recovering from my D&E from our TFMR. My husband and I received the heartbreaking news at our 16 week gender reveal ultrasound that our baby had a cystic hygroma and fetal hydrops. I still remember the devastating question from the ultrasound tech: “Did you have genetic testing done on this baby?” That’s the exact moment that my happiness and pregnancy innocence were stolen. We were told that this was most like Turner’s Syndrome, but we are still awaiting the pathology report. I was amazed at all the similarities between you and I. I’m also a teacher, and I also miscarried with my first pregnancy at 6 weeks last fall….making this my second consecutive miscarriage. I just wanted to tell you that reading your thoughts and feelings have let me know that I’m not the only person who has had these terrible experiences, and that there is hope for my future attempts to have a healthy baby! Olivia is beautiful; congratulations on your first year with her! I am so hopeful that I will be able to have my rainbow soon too. Thank you for sharing; it has helped on my darkest days!
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I’m so so sorry for everything that you are going through. It’s by far one of the toughest, heartbreaking things to have to endure. I would be lying if I said I stopped thinking about my losses, but they stay with you. However, the pain does get easier to manage as time goes on. I’m hoping the pathology results are clear cut and give you some answers. My fingers are crossed that it was just a fluke and really really horrible luck. Hang in there as best you can, cry whenever you need and never apologize for how you’re feeling. My thoughts are with you and I am honored to know that sharing my experience has made you feel less alone. I promise it gets easier.
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I hope that by saying ‘thank you’, I’m able to express how much impact your blog has on me today, and will continue to have on me going forward.
You are so very courageous to share your experiences. You posted about talking being therapeutic for you, and I also feel this same way. It is difficult, though, when I only have one friend who experienced a chemical pregnancy like I did, and NO ONE in my life who has ever had to TFMR. I just underwent my surgery two days ago.. and as you can relate to.. the emotions are raw and real.
After lying in bed for the past two days and searching for deeper validation of my feelings, your blog is by far, the most invaluable bundle of information and emotion that I’ve come across. I’ve shared it with friends and family members to help them to understand the pain that I’m not able to put into words right now, as well as the hope that I’m terrified to feel for future attempts at conceiving.
THANK YOU for everything: your relatability, your honesty, your impact.
I wish you the very, very best and am sending all positivity your way.
Katey
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I am so so sorry for your loss. I can assure you that the pain never goes away, but it definitely because easier to deal with. The first couple of weeks are the absolute hardest, but it does start to get more manageable.
I am happy to know that my words had an impact. I wanted to share my experience so people wouldn’t feel alone.
Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or just need to vent your emotions (like hating on pregnant bellies and people who never think a negative thought planning their families). I get it. It fucking sucks and I am terribly sorry that you are experiencing this. No one deserves this pain. ❤️
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