Breastfeeding with knockers 

I knew pregnancy and breastfeeding would bring changes to the mounds that rest peacefully in my DD cup bras. My expectations were; More growth (oy vey), and lactation (milk anyone?). However, the reality of what has occurred to these ones semi perky breasts have been by far been some of be horring experiences of my postpartum life. 

My realities:

  • Nursing bras are NOT supportive.. Even the sports bras. Your large boobs will bounce up, down and side to side. 
  • A large nursing bra might look like it would be a swaddle blanket for your baby… But lo and behold… You’ll have spillage, and not of milk but the top of your boobs… 
  • Quarter sized nipples will grow to be the diameter of a softball 
  • Your nipples will be prepetually hard…

Body image issues 

I’m struggling with my postpartum body and I feel like an asshole about it. I should be grateful my body looks the way it does because it gave me this beautiful baby girl, but I am struggling. I am struggling with managing the size of my chest. Nothing fits. Even The largest nursing bras giving me spill over and absolutely no support. Aside from my boobs- everything is very soft and loose. I had an athletic build before getting pregnant and working out was my vice. I stopped working out hard when I was pregnant for obvious reasons, so alllll my muscle tone is gone. I feel weak. I know it took close to a year to gain the pregnancy weight and to loose my strength so naturally it’ll take time to get back into feeling strong again… I just need to accept that…

My baby girl is milk drunk in my arms and laughing in her sleep. I’ll take her and a mushy body over a flat stomach and  muscles any day! (And this is the mantra I keep repeating over and over and over again…)

One month old!

I can’t believe it has already been a month since this little nugget has entered our lives!

Name: Olivia Rae

Nicknames: 

  • Oli
  • Olipops- My mother created this one when I was pregnant. She does not refer to her as Olivia, she is Olipops to my parents
  • Livy- its just rolled off my tounge when I am talking to her, especially when she is upset
  • Nugget- My sister calls her nugget
  • squeaks- My sister in law clls her squeaks because of the squeaky noises she makes
  • chicken- She has chicken legs. I have been calling her chicken especially when I am changing her and her little skinny legs are bouncing up and down
  • Peanut- her great aunt calls her this because she is tiny!

How old: 5 weeks 3 days 

Stats: 8 pounds 20 inches long 

Clothes/Diapers: She is in newborn clothes and newborn diapers. However, those newborn clothes are starting to get tight!

Eating: Like a champ. She exclusively eats breast milk. During the night she snacks, which can be annoying because then she can be up every hour. She makes up for this snacking during the night by cluster feeding in the morning. After many trials with different bottles, we discovered Dr. Brown’s bottles with preemie nipples work for her. My husband is now able to feed her periodically (mostly in the event I want to sleep longer than 90 minutes)!

Sleeping: Well- this has been a struggle. She hates the bassinet. She does not appreciate swaddles, but without the swaddle she flails….So in order to get some decent sleep (2-3 hours instead of 30-90 minutes) she has been sleeping with us in the bed. I hate this because it scares the shit out of me. Some nights I can get her to be in the bassinet until 4 am (obviously we wake up to feed up until then, but she will go back down in the bassinet). Some nights she wont tolerate it. I am trying different swaddles and states of being awake to see what works before I put her down. Right now it feels like a crap shoot.  Suggestions are welcome!

Likes:

  • pacifiers
  • eating
  • being held and rocked
  • being worn
  • walks

Dislikes:

  • her bassinet
  • diaper changes

Uncertain about:

  • baths
  • tummy time
  • her rock and play

Milestones: 

  • Lifting her head briefly
  • Making eye contact 

Funny moments:

  • Not sure if this is funny or horrifying but this past week we took advantage of the baby sleeping in the stroller and stopped to get dinner at a local restaurant. She was in her strolled at the end of the table sleeping. I decided to orders a glass of wine. Stupid me put the wine closest to the baby… You can probably guess where there is going. Well as I was pulling apart the bread, my hand jerk and spilled the wine all over the baby. I SPILLED WINE ALL OVER MY BABY. It took 4 days to get all the wine out of the crevasses of the strolled. Luckily one bath was all it took to clean my baby of the evidence that her mother is a raging klutz. I made my husband drink the replacement glass of wine.
  • My sweet daughter projectile pooped. It went about a foot and a half. It ended up in her crib from the changing table.  Girl has talent.

Fun events:

One of my closest friends visited last weekend to meet the Olivia and to help. 

Looking forward to:

  • wedding in June that we will bring Oli to
  • a cousins graduation party where Oli can meet more family and friends

Dreading:

  • getting pooped on again and again and again
  • going back to work in September
  • her growing too fast!

Motherhood lessons:

  • projectile poop is a real thing and its nothing to mess with
  • nipple butter is the greatest invention
  • if you don’t wear a bra to bed you will leak…everywhere…including you unsuspecting partner
  • loose hair means fair game to baby’s mega grasp
  • nipples beware of starving baby
  • 99% of problems will be solved by
  • breastfeedding boobs are about 100% bigger than before…its unreal

A post about everything 

Breastfeeding:

I have to say it’s going pretty well! I started pumping a little over a week ago and if I pump twice daily I can get about 5oz to store away! 

Sometimes my kid gets lazy and does a half ass latch and I scream and my nipple retracts (oh I wish- more like I have fo stick my finger in her mouth to break the suction death grip).

I inevitable leak all over my bed during nighttime feedings. BreastMilk leaves a bit of a stain… (At least I am hoping it was just breast milk..)

So I thought my 34Cs were big in high school/college… Then they grew over the last 10 plus years to a DD. Pregnancy brought them to a DDD.. Now God only knows. All I know is that one boob alone is bigger than my baby. Nothing I own fits them. I can’t zip up swearshirts. I feel like I’m going to topple over. 

Despite their unruly size, it’s pretty incredible that this milk jugs are the sole nurioushment for my baby and so far she is thriving! Thank god they aren’t just for show. 
Sleep:

Ha. Hahaha. What is that? 

Olivia hates the bassinet. Hates it. I can trick her into sleeping in it if she is out cold before I put her in. If she is semi awake, forget it. She remembers she has just eaten and then tries aggressively to poop. Which ends up in an explosion which requires the whole ‘getting her down’ process to begin again. 

I’m sure like many babies- she prefers to sleep on us. Despite my overwhelming anxiety surrounding her wellbeing- I cave because I am desperate for shut eye. We fall asleep together and anywhere from 1-3 hours she wakes us up, and we are sweating. Skin to skin can get hot. 

Bodily fluids:

I never understood why parents did so much laundry. Like how many teeny tiny outfits can one little human go through? HA! It’s not just them… I am perpetually covered in spit up, poop or pee. It’s MY laundry that requires some much laundering… Not this tiny human.

Also- I have never seen projectile poop until recently. It’s squirts out like a mustard bottle… White clothes beware

My kid farts. She tends to fart when I am changing her. If she begins to pee mid change while simultaneously fart- pee shoots everywhere. 

Anxiety:

All humor aside, this one is real. I am constantly checking her to make sure she is breathing. I fear SiDS, acts of God, germs, people, bugs, etc. You name it- I have fabricated a way that it could harm my kid. I am a ball of nerves and it sucks.