Pregnancy milestones 

After I found out I was pregnant and calculated my due date, I started looking at events on my calendar for upcoming 9 months; birthdays, holidays and of course pregnant milestones. I remove seeing 2/29/16 on my calendar. I had a professional development scheduled for the day and I remember thinking ‘holy shit, I’ll be 7 months pregnant…. We’ll I hope and pray that I will be 7 months pregnant.’ Today is 2/29/16 and I am happily still pregnant. I am 31 weeks 3 days. I am 7 months. I am due in exactly 2 months. In exactly 8 weeks and 4 days. Holy shit. I never thought, never imagined I’d get this far. 

My next milestones is March 27- Easter, I’ll be (hopefully) 8 months embarking on my last few weeks with my baby inside me. 

I am excited to say tomorrow ‘I am due next month!’ 

Keep your fingers crossed that this pregnancy continues smoothly!! 

Friends…or lack there of

This past May, my husband and I move to his home island, Staten Island from Manhattan. From the moment we started dated, I fought this move. I fought the move for a variety of reasons; distance from work, crowded, traffic is crazy…and well the stigma. I won’t lie…I feel like I have defend where I live every time I mention my address. The main reason we moved from Manhattan to Staten Island was we needed more space. We had been living in my studio apartment for two yeas, and it was time for at least one door of separation! (Let me tell you, if you can survive living in a studio with your fiance and then spouse while planning a wedding and navigating newlywed life- you can survive anything). We decided on Staten Island because the cost of living was much lower for the space we required and his family was right around the corner. We knew we were in the midst of trying to conceive and being close to family was a must for us. Anyways…long story short, we moved in May, its been about 9 months and I feel lonelier than ever.

As we were planning our move, a lot of our friends were planning the same. Some moved to other parts of New York and some to other states. They all did so for the same reasons as us. So as we embarked on this move, I was hoping that this new journey would lead me to meeting new people and making new friends. SO much easier said then done.  When you are no longer immersed in a social setting like college, meeting people can be pretty difficult. I have looked into meetup groups and intramural leagues but being pregnant limits my options….I can’t enjoy a cocktail, I can’t play sports….plus I am exhausted.

Some friends that I did/do have that remained in Manhattan do not offer to visit or suggest a meet up. In all actually- they have barely touched base with me to see how I have been feeling since I moved…When I have seen them I am the one that initiates getting together and I will always travel to Manhattan. I understand there is more to do there and is easier to get around, plus I don’t like to inconvenience others. Maybe it is time to start referring to this “friends” in the past tense…

Anyways, I have realized that now spending time with close, real friends now requires planning in advance. This could mean I go weeks, even months without seeing the friends I truly love.  To be honest, I wish I just had some people o person that I could relax and watch a movie with, go for a walk with, grab a last minute lunch with, or even go shopping with. I just crave camaraderie!

My husband was recently promoted and his hours have changed form Monday-Thursday 5am-3pm to Friday through Tuesday 11pm-11am…so as he sleeps during the day, I am completely alone.

Some weekends, I welcome this alone time, while others, I feel like a total loser.

I will end try to end this depressing post on a more proactive note: 

This Sunday I signed up for prenatal yoga. I am hoping that this experience will expose me to other expectant parents…maybe I’ll even make a friend! (of course I don’t foresee that happening after one class).

I am also hoping that once this baby arrives, I can join Mommy groups and play groups, and through those I can meet other people I can relate to.

I am sure the cold weather of the north east doesn’t help my mood, since time spent outside getting fresh air is limited.

If anyone else has any other suggestions for meeting people when you are 7 months pregnant- please feel free to share!

 

My daughters name 

We have a named picked out for our daughter. We have known the name since before I knew she was a girl. I wanted to keep this name to ourselves… However unbeknownst to me, my husband disclosed the name in our Christmas cards… So our close friends and family know her name. Sometimes they even refer to her by her name. I would like to say this doesn’t bother me, but it does. Maybe it’s the superstitious side of me because I am still very scared. It’s almost like not giving her a public name would make her identity less real in the event that the worst happens…

Since I am now obviously pregnant, random people have began to inquire about my baby: how fair along? Girl or boy? Name?! I answer the first two honestly, but I also hesitate with her name. I typically respond with ‘we are still deciding.’ Because I am a terrible liar, sometimes people can pry it out of me. I immediately feel like I betrayed her by doing so. I know an obvious pregnancy can be a conversation starter, and maybe it’s just me, but I feel like her name is personal before her birth… 

I respect each parents decision on how and when they share their child’s name. I just found this to be a personal issue for me. 

30 week bumpdate 

  

How far along: 30 weeks and 5 days. I need to get better at posting earlier in the week! Anyways, we are in the single digit countdown!! 9 weeks and 2 days left….65 days…crazy how time flies.

Baby is the size of: Butternut squash, summer cantaloupe, cabbage or cucumber (shes definitely been a cucumber before, so this one I feel is bullshit. Plus the first three fruits/veggies are way bigger than a cucumber….) She is 17 inches long from head to toe and she weighs approximately 3 pounds!!

Total weight gain: about 18 pounds. I have noticed my weight fluctuates depending on whether or not I have gone to the bathroom (thanks constipation) and water intake. So this week it has ranged from 17-19 pounds.

Symptoms: 

  • Intense rib pain. It has been especially sore under my left boob. It feels like I am being stabbed and there is almost nothing I can do for relief.
  • back pain
  • pregnancy brain (if I don’t write it down, I forget it)
  • Increase energy!!!!! (Amazing considering that I haven’t slept through the night in weeks!)
  • constipation- although the constant intake of colace has definitely been helping!

Food cravings:

  • CHOCOLATE CAKE! Thankfully, I stayed at my parents last night and my mom had homemade chocolate cake with marshmallow frosting.  She even added real chocolate sprinkles….best. thing. ever.
  • vanilla ice cream with sprinkles (there is definitely a pattern here..)
  • pineapple
  • pizza

Anything making you queasy or sick?:

  • the thought of chicken right now sounds disgusting…. I have noticed that this comes and goes

Movement: YES! My little has definitely increased in movement, or her movements are just getting stronger. My whole stomach bounces when she moves. It is awesome. She is also getting up when I get up. Around 3am, I tend to wake up to pee, and she is right there with me. Its like a dance party in my uterus around that time. I love it. Also I can coerce her into dancing with a little chocolate :).

Stretch marks: Besides my boobs (which were there before), nope!

Gender: Baby Girl!

Happy or moody? I am really pretty happy. I can become easily emotional though. A sad movie or commercial can definitely send me into tears. I have been listening to the podcast The Longest Shortest Time about pregnancy, loss, and parenthood and there was a recent episode about a OBGYN who performs both prenatal care and abortions. She discusses her career, but then deviates to discuss her first pregnancy, which ended in a termination for medical reasons. Her child had abnormalities with the skull and brain that were incompatible with life. As she discussed it and described her emotions, I realized that they were exactly like me. Those feelings for me have not gone away and listening to other woman share those stories brings back the pain. I cried, heavily, on my way home. For me, listening to these other woman discuss their experience makes me think about the daughter I lost and will always remember and it makes me feel connected. Its like experiencing the raw grief allows me to know that she isn’t forgotten and her sister isn’t her replacement.

Best moments this week/baby milestones: Reaching 30 weeks is a huge milestone in my perspective!

Purchases for baby: My best friend was in town this past weekend and we went to Carter’s.  I purchased a few summer dresses for her, some headbands and some bows. I am DONE purchasing stuff now… well besides the odds and ends like diapers and creams that will come later on and closer to her arrival

Purchases for momma: really nice face wash and moisturizer to make me feel oh so pretty.

The bump: Get large! I have noticed that spaces I could easily squeeze into before, I CANNOT right now. I have to be extra aware of my girth.

Miss anything? When I have had a super long and stressful day I miss my glass of wine. I also miss my pre-pregnancy sex life. Sex is not the same when you are hugely pregnant. I am not into it at all and prefer to not be touched aside from a cuddle.

Looking forward to? Well this might be obvious- but 9-10 weeks from now when I will hopefully be meeting my daughter!!

29 week bumpdate 

How far along: 29 weeks 5 days 

Baby is the size of: acorn squash, butternut squash, or cauliflower. She is around 17 inches long and 2.5-2.9lbs!

Total weight gain: 15.5 pounds 

Symptoms:

  • Heartburn 
  • Constipation 
  • Insomnia 
  • What I think are Braxton hicks contractions; belly gets really tight and then releases. Not really crampy or painful, just a sensation…
  • Really dry hair, which is great because it makes my showers super quick when I can wash my hair every 3 days! Gotta love me some dry shampoo!
  • Less leg hair- totally not complaining! Also allows me to take a quick shower when I don’t have to shave so often! Also helps because I can barely bend down!
  • Peeing or the sensation of really needing to pee every 30 minutes 

Food cravings: ice cream and chocolate. 

Anything making you queasy or sick?: nada 

Movement: lots of movement! As I am writing she is rolling and doing some flips. She really enjoys kicking my right upper abdomen and my bladder of course. 

Stretch marks: none yet 

Gender: baby girl!

Happy or moody? I am super happy! It helps that I have been off from work this week for winter break. I am also just really excited. Scared shittless and nervous about my optimism, but excited nonetheless. 

Best moments this week/baby milestones: I really feel pregnant and people have begun to ask me when I am due which just gets me more excited. This could be real!

Purchases for baby: I got a little excited over a sale at Carter’s and order a bunch of baby clothes… 

Purchases for momma: a new hairdryer and more tums… Basically everyday necessities. Oh wait- I forgot- the triple D bras I had to purchase because mine do not fit anymore. My back has expanded 2 band sizes and I was told to buy a cup up because my boobs will only get bigger! Great! (Lots and lots of sarcasm) So necessities. 

The bump: growing! I can’t see my lady bits and I have to arch my back to see my toes!

Miss anything? Maybe sleeping through the night without the urge to pee 

Looking forward to? This weekend when my best friend is coming into town! 

   
   

If vs when 

Last night after conversations with my parents, I noticed I was referring to the arrival of my daughter using ‘when.’ In the beginning I only using ‘if.’ I am not sure when this change occurred and I am not sure how I feel about it. Needless to say, I want to be hopeful, but with hope because apprehension. Am I setting myself up for disappointment? How can I be ‘certain’ of an event that actually has no certianty. Currently there are no indicators that she won’t be coming home with us, however, we know that means absolutely nothing. Pregnancy is unpredictable and outcomes can change with a blink of an eye. I want to remain hopefully and I want to continue with the use of ‘when.’ However, I am terrified…I am so in love with her already. 

28 week bumpdate 

  

How far along: 28 weeks and 4 days. Officially in the third trimester! 

Baby is the size of: eggplant or coconut (I swear she was already the size of an eggplant!) She is 16 inches long from head to toe and she weighs around 2.5lbs! 

Total weight gain: 15 pounds according to my scale and 18 pounds according to my doctors. I am fully clothed when I get weighed at the doctors and my appointments are in the evening. When I was weighed last at the doctors (at 27 weeks), I hadn’t pooped in 2 days… I am thinking a pound of my weight gain was poop!

Symptoms: HEARTBURN. HEARTBURN. HEARTBURN. I have to sleep sitting up, otherwise it feels like I have swallowed fire. 

Food cravings: pineapple and chocolate 

Anything making you queasy or sick?: nope

Movement: yes! She likes to move around a lot as I am going to bed and she wakes up with me! 

Stretch marks: nope 

Gender: baby girl! 

Happy or moody? Generally happy although I am  very, very fatigued which can make me moody. 

Best moments this week/baby milestones: getting to the third trimester!!!!

Purchases for baby: a bunch of baby books! 

Purchases for momma: a giant shall because my coat doesn’t zip anymore… 

The bump: growing! My oldest and dearest friend took a few maternity pictures of me this past weekend.  

    
 Miss anything? Wine

Looking forward to? Next week is our winter break and I am looking forward to working on the nursery. I need to finish another piece of furniture and hang some prints! Also one of my best friends is coming to visit and I cannot wait to see her! 


How can a pregnant woman be so stupid?

I am one of three woman expecting at work. Although I am pretty pregnant and feeling better about this pregnancy, I still get irritated when I see pregnant woman. This is the second pregnancy for one woman. She has an almost 4 year old. She has never had a pregnancy loss. The other woman is expecting her first. I assume she has never had a loss because this was a honeymoon baby. I shouldn’t assume, but something tells me I am right. This second woman bothers me the most.  She is a couple weeks behind me, due in mid May, and she is biking to work. BIKING to work. First off- its winter and we just had a blizzard. Although its been warm and the snow is melting, there are still patches of snow everywhere.  Secondly, its is NEW YORK CITY, we are in Manhattan, and I can confidently say people are idiots when it comes to driving. Do you know how many people get hurt and killed by riding their bikes around the streets of New York??? And these people do not have a precious bundle in tucked away inside their bellies. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH THIS WOMAN???? Maybe I am just more careful because I understand how valuable my unborn baby is considering my history, or maybe I am just naturally more careful despite my losses. Regardless of any of that, I don’t know anyone who would condone a pregnant woman riding a bike and I am quite surprised her people would allow her to engage in such a dangerous act. Needless to say, every morning when I see her walking into the school with her bike in tow, I think ‘stupid, ignorant bitch.’ Whatever, I feel entitled to think my opinions.

Am I ridiculous in thinking this? Does anyone else agree that this is beyond stupid and irresponsible? Sometimes I feel like woman should take a common sense exam before being able to conceive…