27 week bumpdate 

How far along:27 weeks and 2 days! I thought 27 weeks was the start of the third trimester…apparently it is 28 weeks. 

Baby is the size of: bunch of bananas, cucumber? (Pretty sure she was already this size…), acorn squash or a yellow turnip… She is 15 inches long and 1.9-2.2 pounds! She is now measuring crown to feet instead of crown to rump. 

Total weight gain: 14 pounds 

Symptoms: oy…

  • Heartburn
  • Constipation 
  • Hemroids- thanks constipation!
  • Very achy legs
  • Sciatica 
  • Forgetfulness aka pregnancy brain 
  • Really really dry nipples- can’t figure out if it’s the weather or a symptom. 

Food cravings: candy ūüė≥… Sour patch kids, gummy bears, twizzlers, kit kats… Basically everything that I shouldn’t be eating! 

Anything making you queasy or sick?: nope! 

Movement: yea! She seems to be feet down and has enjoyed dancing on my bladder the last couple of days. It’s quite alarming to be kicked in the bladder and then to wonder- did I pee myself? 

Stretch marks: just on my boobs but those were there before! 

Gender: baby girl! 

Happy or moody? Happy!! Despite all my symptoms and aches and pains, I couldn’t be happier to be this pregnant!

Best moments this week/baby milestones: apparently she knows my voice! 

Purchases for baby: nothing new this week. 

Purchases for momma: nope, I did schedule a prenatal massage though! 

The bump: growing and rock hard! 

Miss anything? Wine, I’ll be honest. I stared longingly at the glass of red wine the person next to us at dinner was drinking last night. 

Looking forward to? Winter break in 2 weeks! I could use a week off from my commute!  

   

27 week bumpdate 

How far along:27 weeks and 2 days! I thought 27 weeks was the start of the third trimester…apparently it is 28 weeks. 

Baby is the size of: bunch of bananas, cucumber? (Pretty sure she was already this size…), acorn squash or a yellow turnip… She is 15 inches long and 1.9-2.2 pounds! She is now measuring crown to feet instead of crown to rump. 

Total weight gain: 14 pounds 

Symptoms: oy…

  • Heartburn
  • Constipation 
  • Hemroids- thanks constipation!
  • Very achy legs
  • Sciatica 
  • Forgetfulness aka pregnancy brain 
  • Really really dry nipples- can’t figure out if it’s the weather or a symptom. 

Food cravings: candy ūüė≥… Sour patch kids, gummy bears, twizzlers, kit kats… Basically everything that I shouldn’t be eating! 

Anything making you queasy or sick?: nope! 

Movement: yea! She seems to be feet down and has enjoyed dancing on my bladder the last couple of days. It’s quite alarming to be kicked in the bladder and then to wonder- did I pee myself? 

Stretch marks: just on my boobs but those were there before! 

Gender: baby girl! 

Happy or moody? Happy!! Despite all my symptoms and aches and pains, I couldn’t be happier to be this pregnant!

Best moments this week/baby milestones: apparently she knows my voice! 

Purchases for baby: nothing new this week. 

Purchases for momma: nope, I did schedule a prenatal massage though! 

The bump: growing and rock hard! 

Miss anything? Wine, I’ll be honest. I stared longingly at the glass of red wine the person next to us at dinner was drinking last night. 

Looking forward to? Winter break in 2 weeks! I could use a week off from my commute!  

   

Feelin antisocial 

I am not sure if this is normal, but I am feeling pretty antisocial. This past weekend NYC was pummeled by a blizzard leaving close to 30 inches of snow. My husband had to work and I haven’t left my house in almost 48 hours and truth is- I don’t really plan to until tomorrow morning when I have to trudge to work. 

My husband is encouraging me to go to my in laws today to be social- but I just would much rather stay home. I’ve been productive while at home, but I have also taken advantage of not wearing real clothes. In addition- I am hoping this will be my last couple of months being able to be alone with quietness, I want to enjoy the solidarity while I have it. 

This is probably a stupid question but- Is being anti social while 6 months pregnant in the middle of winter normal? 

I didn’t give it much thought until my husband kind of made me feel like a hermit/loser…. 

26 week bumpdate

How far along: 26 weeks and 1 day. 13 weeks and 6 days to go!

Baby is the size of: lettuce head or eggplant. She is 2 pounds and 14 inches long from head to toe!

Total weight gain: 13 pounds but its been a few days since I have been on the scale…it could be closer to 14 now.

Symptoms: fatigue, unbearable heartburn, and pregnancy brain

Food cravings: fruit, chocolate cake, and muffins. To satisfy my muffin craving I made oatmeal applesauce muffins and heavy banana bread muffins!

Anything making you queasy or sick?: nope!

Movement: yup! Starting to figure out her pattern. She also likes to kick when I eat spicy foods and sweets!

Stretch marks: Nope. I have been using the belly balm from honest company, it might  be helping to prevent them, but who knows.

Gender: baby girl!

Happy or moody? Generally happy, unless I am overtired. If I am exhausted I am a raging bitch and can’t handle anything. I know that means I need to be alone and a nap is in order, otherwise there might be tears and unfavorable exchanges.

Best moments this week/baby milestones: Finishing the dresser I have been painting/distressing for baby girl!

  
Purchases for baby: I took the plunge…I bought the crib! As well as some sheets, a changing pad, and an adorable elephant mobile.

Purchases for momma: Nothing, all my purchases have been for baby.

The bump: Growing! My belly button is still in though. It is kind of flat though, not sure it’ll pop. I am kind of obsessed with the bump. I love it. 

 
  
Miss anything? Sometimes I miss the occasional glass of wine. Especially after a rough day or when I am under house arrest due to Winter Storm Jonas.

Looking forward to? The next couple of weeks! I am excited to finish the nursery and to continue nesting! I am also excited for our winter break. We have a week off in February, and I am looking forward to hopefully seeing a few good friends and just relaxing. I am hoping it’ll be my last staycation being just me and the husband!

I took the plunge 

I am a planner. With that being said I have had a Amazon cart full of baby stuff since I was roughly 16 weeks pregnant. I would modify it when I was feeling confident and avoid it when I was fearful. Today I took the plunge and hit purchase. I bought a crib, a crib mattress, a changing pad, and 2 changing pad covers. I knew I wanted to purchase at 24 weeks… But I just couldn’t do it then. Today I got the courage. I purchased. I should have a crib by Monday. If it’s not her (I really really hope it’s her) a baby will someday sleep in this crib… 

Yesterday was a bad day

Yesterday I was awoken by my husbands alarms at 3:00 am. Yes,¬†alarms.¬†He sets 5-7 alarms 5 minutes apart, typically starting a thirty or so minutes before he wakes up. Most nights, I sleep with earplugs to avoid this, since he gets up at an ungodly hour for work, and his sporadic snoring. The night before last, I didn’t bother. At times, the ear plugs can really hurt my ears, especially when you are sleeping on your side. The earplug seems to jam in there even more. Anyways, After the 4 alarm sounded, I was up. I was up and I was¬†angry.¬†I am beginning to experience the troubles of pregnancy sleeping: pain in my hips and lower back, and just generally, it takes a bit to get comfortable. I tried to fall back asleep between 3:00-3:30, but it wasn’t happening. I figured since I had to get up at 5:00 am anyways, maybe it wasn’t worth it to fall back asleep for such a short period of time. I might end up more exhausted. So I laid there and I patiently waited for my baby to move. Naturally, she didn’t more on command. I tried pushing and probing and moving for a half hour. Nothing. My head went to¬†DARK places. I debated going to the hospital, which is conveniently located across the street, for an emergency scan. What if she died? What if I lost her.¬†My thoughts were dark. I started to cry and lightly freak out. I tried to calm myself down and rationalized with myself. I told myself to take a shower, have some coffee and some ice water, and relax a little bit. If there is no movement, then we go to the hospital. I mustered up the energy and showered at 4:00 am. I made myself coffee and drank some water. By 4:45, I felt some movement. Relief. Well kind of.¬†Why couldn’t I get her to move earlier? Why didn’t my probing work? Is she in distress? Thoughts were still dark. I was also exhausted. After drying my hair, getting dressed and watching some trashy TV, I was out of the house by 6. Still thinking about and monitoring her movement. Sometimes she moves when we drive. She didn’t. Wonderful. I got to work, and she still wasn’t moving much, she had some movements, but they seemed less than they typically are.¬†Maybe it was how she is positioned? Maybe it was because I was so tired?¬†I kept speculating. After lunch, I could barely keep my eyes open and colleagues encouraged me to leave early. I put my guilt of leaving early aside, and succumbed to their encouragement. As I got to the parking lot, I discovered I was very much blocked in. There was no getting out. At this point a rational person would of made some calls and had the owners of the cars moved. I wasn’t rational. Instead, I cried hysterically in my car. At that moment, I gave up on leaving early and walked back into work. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself for leaving early anyways, I figured it just wasn’t meant to be. I went back to my office and continued to cry. I couldn’t stop. I was tired. I was angry. I went hopeless and out of control. At that moment, I realize I couldn’t control the outcome of this pregnancy. I can’t guarantee he safe¬†arrival. I needed sleep.

I finally got home, around 4pm, ad slept until 6. My husband cooked dinner, and I was back in bed by 8 and asleep by 10. Lovely man slept on the couch last night because he had to get up at 2:30 this morning. I felt bad, but then again, I am grateful to be rested. Yesterday, I felt like an over tired toddler. I was embarrassing and not my ideal day. Oh well.

Today, I woke up before my alarm at 4:30, to her kicks. She has continued to move every couple of minutes since. Thank god. I feel better than I did yesterday. I feel more hopeful.

I thought as I approach my third trimester I’d feel better, more confident, but yet I am flooded with the fears that can be associated with late term pregnancy and child birth. One thing I have learned:¬†Google is NOT your friend.¬†

25 week bumpdate 

How far along: 25 weeks and 4 days 

Baby is the size of: a cauliflower! She is 1.5-1.7 lbs and 13.5 inches long. 

Total weight gain: 13 pounds! 

Symptoms: insomnia, sciatica, heartburn, and pregnancy brian- I can’t remember anything! 

Food cravings: ice cream- vanilla with sprinkles… Lots of sprinkles 

Anything making you queasy or sick?: nope 

Movement: yup! Sometimes she’s stubborn and won’t move for a period of time despite my probing. I have a meltdown, and then she’ll move. It freaks me out. I am hoping am just ultra sensitive given my history. The non movement has never exceeded an hour, if it does its to the hospital I go. 

Stretch marks: nope. 

Gender: girl! 

Happy or moody? Generally happy… Although the not sleeping is making me kind of snappy 

Best moments this week/baby milestones: just reaching another week in this pregnancy! 

Purchases for baby: I bought some adorable prints off of Etsy for her nursery 

Purchases for momma: none 

The bump: growing! 

Miss anything? Nope! 

Looking forward to anything?: 4 weeks when I have another week vacation! 

  

Morning freak out 

So I freaked out in my fit of insomnia. I painted the nursery pink. I automatically think I am bringing her home. That was stupid, wasn’t it? What if she doesn’t make it home and I have a pink fucking room? Shouldn’t be have colored the room soemthing more neutral?! This way if the event that we don’t take her home, the color won’t be a reminder? 

I hate this. I hate how I can’t nest without freaking out. Sometimes I can’t get her move in a period of time and my head goes to dark, dark places. I immediately think I have lost her. The second she moves again, I can breathe.. A little. Anxiously awaiting my next freak out…

My mother in law and mother are planning my shower for when I am 36 weeks. Like a normal pregnant person, I should be excited, but I am not a normal pregnant woman. I am experiencing pregnancy after loss and I think everything will jinx my chances of bring my baby home. It’s torture. 

I feel so blessed to be pregnant, but I am looking forward to April, when I hopefully bring this baby home. I’m sure at that point I’ll be checking her every 5 minutes to make sure she is still breathing.. 

When will this anxiety go away? 

Jinxing myself

Yesterday I wrote a post about maternity leave and how the system I am in doesn’t support new mothers. I realized after writing that that I am assuming I am bringing this baby home. I know I am planning for this baby; nursery is painted and I am working on painting her furniture, but what if there is no baby. What if all this planning is for nothing? Why am I assuming that this is going to be my take home? I know this is morbid to think about and maybe rather unhealthy, but its hard to stop my mind from wandering there… I have had two previous loss, although much earlier than this current pregnancy (5 weeks and 15 weeks), and its hard to wrap my head around an actually healthy baby. ¬†According to textbooks- I am in a ‘safer zone’ at almost 25 weeks. Statistically, I should be bringing my daughter home in April. However, through people I know personally and those I have met through blogging, I know there is no such thing as ‘ safe zone’. Anything can happen at any given time.

I suppose I am just having an anxiety inducing day. I am worried than anything I do to plan for her arrival will come back and slap me in the face.  I know the alternative is doing nothing, which means we will be scrambling when and if she comes. And, truth be told, I am want to nest. I deserve to nest. I think its so unfair that my losses have raped me of the innocence I so desperately yearn for.